Is Happiness the Greatest Gift?

Happiness, happiness, the greatest gift that I possess - so says the song. But what makes you happy? Is happiness the same thing as a feeling of contentment? Is it something you can look for? Or is it something that creeps up on you unawares?

It was reading a magazine article about happiness that prompted me to begin this article. And then, about half way through, I thought how much better it would be if instead of writing on the subject, myself, I threw it open to you.

So here are the dictionary definitions:

Happiness: Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment
Pleasure: A feeling of satisfaction or joy; enjoyment
Contentment: Satisfied state; tranquil happiness
Joy: A vivid emotion of pleasure; extreme gladness

What I'm asking is if you can:

• give your own definition of the emotions listed above
• say how each of the following makes you feel
• and add anything else to the list below, which you think contributes to your happiness

IS THERE A WAY TO BEAT CHOCOLATE CRAVINGS? AND DO YOU WANT TO?

Most of us, if we're women, will be able to identify with the cravings we have for chocolate. Whatever our normal intake, the desire for the melting moment is intensified by hormonal changes in our bodies. There is evidence to suggest that chocolate bars contain a group of alkaloids known as tetrahydro-beta-carbolines which are mood-enhancing.

I love it when I have it - but can go weeks without thinking about it. Trouble is, chocolate's fattening, rots your teeth, is high in fat and is short-lived in its effect. And does satisfying the craving actually induce happiness? I would rate chocolate as a pleasure. And I'd define pleasure as a momentary, fleeting emotion.

SEX?

Depends. If it's part of a loving relationship then undoubtedly it must add to your feelings of well-being. But in that case, isn't it 'intimacy' rather than the 'high' associated with physical gratification that gives the enduring sense of bliss? And if so, then if sex is off the menu for one reason or another, surely simple stroking and caressing should give you a similar feeling of contentment?

Apparently the same mood-enhancing hormones are affected by sex as by chocolate. Speaking of which, I saw something on TV the other day about a woman who genuinely preferred chocolate to sex. There was nothing prudish about her. Nor did she have any hang-ups; no hidden childhood abuse; no hatred of men. She was born with a low libido so had little interest in sex. But - she adored chocolate!

Having lived through an unhappy marriage, I'm aware that sex, per se, may bring pleasure (as defined above) but lack any of the other emotions.

MONEY CAN'T BUY YOU HAPPINESS. OR CAN IT?

It's been said that money can't buy you happiness, but the absence of it can make you miserable. I've experienced both states and have to say that I think there's some truth in that. I've also experienced marriage to a businessman - and hated the ruthless pursuit of making money.

Shopping seems to be the Western World's favourite pastime, and I'm aware that I could come across as smug at this point. But the truth is that shopping has very little appeal to me, and I don't actually have any great desire to own the latest must-have, do a make-over on my house, or jet off to Marrakech. But I'm aware that I'm very privileged (or self-disciplined?) live comfortably within my means and have no debt. Okay! You can slap my wrist if that sounds self-righteous.

Having said all that, I recently went on a shopping expedition with my daughter and the twins, who were both in need of new shoes. And I bought the snazziest walking shoes I've ever owned. Almost on a par with the elegant court shoes I bought in Naples many years ago, they have given me great pleasure. Just so's you know, they're the softest red leather, with dark green leaf motifs stitched to the top. I feel like the bees knees when I make my sojourn down to the shops each day. And one of the young directors in the company my other half and I work for told me - quite spontaneously - that he loved them!

ACHIEVEMENT / CREATIVITY?

Ah! Now you're getting warm as far as I'm concerned. Whether it's cleaning out a cupboard or getting the next blog up, achievement can give me a great sense of satisfaction. Oh, blow! Now I'm going to have to define what it is to satisfy (which the dictionary puts as: meet the expectations or desires of; be accepted as adequate; put an end to an appetite or want by supplying what was required). Yes. Well. By that definition I suppose achievement lacks any real sense of lasting pleasure or happiness.

Creativity, on the other hand, is one of the major contributors to my sense of happiness. When you consider the impoverished state of many of the now famous painters, sculptors, and writers in history, it's clear that it was their art which fed their drive. And this, perhaps more than anything, puts happiness into perspective. Because art can surely be defined as the pursuit of excellence in communication - which may, of itself, fail to bring either money or recognition. Then again, think of Coleridge. He produced the most wonderful poetry from a background of a loveless marriage and suicidal tendencies. It's all rather illusive, isn't it, this attempt at defining happiness?

NATURE / THE CREATED WORLD

Warmer still! The popularity of nature programmes on TV speaks volumes. And when you look at all the paintings and photography in the world which include a beautiful sunset, it's clear that this must answer some deep need in human beings. Is it beauty alone? Or is it a sense of otherness? Something, or Someone, beyond ourselves?

I know I feel great joy and happiness welling up in me when I contemplate the wonders of the natural world. I'd rank this high on my list. But I'm aware that in doing so, I might be condemning those who live in squalor and deprivation to a lifetime of unhappiness. And because I believe happiness is an inner state, I don't believe that it is unattainable for those whose outer lives are miserable.

LOVE / FAMILY / FRIENDS

Yes - this comes closest to happiness for me. That feeling that seems to come from nowhere, swells inside you, and makes you fit to burst. I have it from time to time when I look at my husband and know the security of his love for me. It steals up on me when I see my grandchildren, big and small, and contemplate, with sheer amazement, the complexity of life and growth and speech and will and morality which exists in each of them. It comes when friends cluster round me to help me through difficult times. And it overwhelms me when I look around and know myself to be part of a community, loved and accepted, by all.

How about you? Do leave your comments. My list is by no means definitive. It would be great to hear what you can add to it.

Mel Menzies, January, 2009
Author of A Painful Post Mortem, a story of love and loss.

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